


Quiet Down

by winterhats



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: F/M, First Time, Fluff, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, lots of feelings, post-STR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2019-11-08 06:55:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17976515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterhats/pseuds/winterhats
Summary: It was another cliché, she knew, but hey, Takane found out kissing is a great way to shut Haruka up. And even if she loved his voice and everything he had to say, she kind of liked to make him shut up a lot. And a really good bonus is that she shuts up as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically everyone I've ever met has been annoying me non-stop to write a harutaka first time asdfghj. So I did, as I have many times before, but this time I decided to make it extra long and wordy, hehehe.

Takane, usually, would describe Haruka as a person oblivious to his surroundings. He'd never notice when she gets embarrassed, or when a comment of his makes her feel like she could spit out her heart any second, but he's actually a whole lot more aware than she gives him credit for.

"Takane?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

In fact, Haruka notices everything. He notices when she blushes and when she's nervous, he absolutely does. It makes her think that he often just chooses to play dumb because _who knows why_. So of course that right now, he notices she's acting a little off.

Her first reaction is to move her head to look up at him. Bad choice. They're sitting so close to each other, their noses brush when she does so. Obviously he notices, and that was no decent or comfortable proximity of faces to talk with, so he moves slightly away. Thank god but also, why god.

Takane blinks at him; once, twice. Haruka patiently waits for an answer, simply staring back at her, which only made it hard to formulate said answer. Because fun fact, Takane really likes his eyes. They just convey such a soft and warm feeling in her, and they're so pretty, and they make everything more difficult right now.

"Are we staring into each other's eyes now?" Haruka asks, and she doesn't know if he's teasing or genuinely asking. Whatever it is, it pops her bubble, and suddenly she's shaking her head,

"No, sorry, I just–" she pauses, trying to collect her thoughts. Thing is, she didn't have any. She was just a mess. "I'm fine. I'm probably just sleepy."

The "I'm probably just sleepy" is a classic Enomoto Takane excuse. Haruka has probably heard it a million times, honestly. It was her way of masking her nervousness, usually.

That's why it surprises her when Haruka retorts, "No, no. When you're "just sleepy" you're like a kitty."

"Uh... Explain?"

"Yeah! Like a kitty," Haruka happily repeats. "Shows love in strange ways. Swats at you but then cuddles up next to you. Sleepy Takane is like a kitty."

Of course, Takane can only roll her eyes, "Okay, Haruka. Whatever you say."

"But I'm right!" he insists, giggling just slightly as he snuggled with her again. Jesus. Takane doesn't know how she handles it most of the time. "It" being Haruka and his wonderful and affectionate personality.

She thought that he'd let it go, that the conversation was done there and now she was back to sinking in her own misery of ridiculousness, but Haruka seems to be insistent today.

"Okay, really, Takane," he says. He tilts his head to the side, offering a welcoming but worried expression. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, don't worry–"

"Takane," it's a soft tone, there's also a slight determination that she doesn't really hear often; let alone when he pronounces her name. Haruka looks almost shy, but the smile on his face didn't minimize the seriousness in his demeanor. He looks honest, even though he wanted _her_  to be. "You know you can tell me anything. I wanna know when something's wrong so I can help you, especially if I caused it in any way."

Again, Takane just stares. She just stares blankly at him, as if she was processing his words or like she was thinking of what to say. In reality, she had really just stopped functioning. She sees the way his eyes look at her face up and down as he expects an answer, but she just can't bring herself to, well, answer.

"I – I mean it," he goes on, when it was clear she wasn't going to say anything. "It's... It's just, if you're uncomfortable, we can just get a room with two beds? Or maybe even separate bedrooms, if you want–"

That does spark a reaction in Takane. However, she still doesn't answer. She just gets stuck in a "wh" meant to be... some sort of question or something. She wasn't sure. Honestly, she wasn't sure how she was even awake right now.

Normally, her trash body would be like "oops, these are too many emotions! How about we shut down– ZZZZZ". She doesn't even know how she managed to stay in her feet the entire time she was in the shower earlier.

Takane really, really wants to scream right now. Only god knows how she manages not to; the idea of Haruka believing he could _ever_  make her uncomfortable was just wild, and not at all how she wanted him to feel.

But really, can she even blame him? She's been normal and playful the entire day, and just generally ever since they've reunited. Of course that if she begins acting differently in a situation like this, he'd immediately think _he's_  done something to make her act this way.

So she really had to say something. Not only because _answering_  when someone is _speaking to you_  is the fucking _common thing to do_  but also because it wasn't fair for Haruka to feel like he's done something wrong. It's quite the opposite, and she couldn't let him feel guilty, or think that she doesn't want to spend time with him. Again, it's the opposite.

Takane sighs, quite angry with herself, and leans her head against his shoulder. She can't see his face in this position, but by the way he comfortably accepts the contact, she guesses it's fine. She feels her body relax for the first time since they got here; really, she didn't even notice how tense she was.

"I'm not uncomfortable," she eventually says, and Takane thought that maybe she would add something else, but she found herself at a loss of words again.

Because normally, this would follow up with a justification as to why she's gotten weird now that they're alone, but Takane's brain was way too messed up at the moment to come up with an excuse and she wasn't about to tell Haruka "oh, it's nothing, I'm just turned on."

"Sorry if I made you feel like I was, though," she adds. She feels him shake his head, as they intertwined their fingers together. "I don't want another room. I want to be with Haruka."

She hears him breathe out a chuckle, "That makes me happy to hear."

And hearing that makes _her_  happy. Ah, really. Was it even bad they were a cliché? They sort of deserved moments like this, after everything they've been through.

Takane lifts her head to look at him and meets with his fond eyes. He lets go of her hand to cup her cheek, and his smile falls as soon as he does so, "Ah, Takane, your face is _burning._ "

_Ah, of course it is._

She starts to shake her head even before Haruka says, "Don't you have a fever? Maybe that's why–"

"Nope, it's not a fever, nope," she winces. "Trust me, that's not it."

Clearly, that only confused him, since put like that it really told him she knew why she was weird and her skin was a temperature that was very not normal. He was still smiling though, and just as she saw his mouth about to ask "why", she leaned in. Naturally, Haruka doesn't object, and he says nothing.

It was another cliché, she knew, but hey, Takane found out kissing is a _great_  way to shut Haruka up. And even if she loved his voice and everything he had to say, she kind of liked to make him shut up a lot. And a really good bonus is that she shuts up as well.

Their lips meet softly, and the hand cupping her cheek slides slightly on her skin, making it so her ear is in between his thumb and his index finger. His fingertips gently sink in her hair, and she wraps her arms around his neck.

He deepens the kiss, as his other hand comes up to hold the back of her head, leaning against her just slightly. And she apparently misunderstood that movement, because as soon as he does that, she lays back. Well, she doesn't know if that was what he wanted her to do or not, but Haruka doesn't oppose. He just breaks apart for a moment so both could get more comfortable, and as soon as Takane turns back to him, they're kissing again.

Really, she had wanted to take the lead in a kiss at least _once_ , but she seemed to like it better when Haruka did it. It's not like she was going to tell him that, anyway.

His tongue slowly brushes against her lower lip, and even though it wasn't the first time they shared this sort of contact, Takane still felt like it wasn't happening. Despite she has been back in her body for quite some time now, when something that made her feel as much bliss as being with Haruka happened, the recurrent thought of "this might not be real" haunted her.

She has spent so much time away from reality, so much time believing she was gone that sometimes, it was hard to remember she wasn't actually gone; that _he_  wasn't actually gone. It was hard to accept she felt happy now, and that she's always been real.

Her thoughts, fortunately, are pushed aside before they could cause any major negative feelings, because that hot, coiling feeling she felt in her lower stomach wasn't only _not_  gone, but very much worse. She makes some sort of humming sound against his mouth, that no, she will _not_  identify as a moan, and it makes Haruka stop for a second.

He doesn't pull away, and he doesn't say anything. Before Takane's not at all helpful brain could even try saying anything, he pecks her before going, "Are you okay?"

It's a whisper, and the hot breath that comes out with his words hit her mouth, and she feels herself shiver. She answers in a low voice as well, "I am. Keep going."

And he does. Takane even feels him smile, but she quickly forgets about it when his tongue slowly slips past her parted lips. She makes whatever that sound was again, but this time Haruka doesn't ask her if she's okay. Takane just lightly grabs onto the hair of the back of his head she was playing with.

She moved her legs in an attempt of... she doesn't know, really, but all it does is make her painfully aware of what's going on in between them. It's sticky and gross and oh, god. Just _oh, god._  She hates it, she really hates it. And then a phone starts ringing.

Even before Takane recognizes the ringtone as her own, they break apart rather suddenly, both equally startled by it. Their mouths were still connected with a string of saliva though, and even if that's apparently a visually pleasing thing in media, in reality it's gross and embarrassing as hell. Takane immediately brings her hand up to wipe her mouth with her sleeve.

She doesn't know how Haruka deals with his side, because she already pushed him away so she could see where the hell her phone was. It sounded muffled, so she's probably– Yup, she was sitting on it.

Being so flustered, Takane doesn't check the caller before answering, "H – hello?"

And she even _stutters_  to them. Wow.

"Ene," a deep voice welcomes her from the other side of the line, and Takane's quick to recognize it.

"Kido?" she says, shooting Haruka a look as she did so as if to let him know who was calling. "Um, hey, what's up?"

Mostly, she was just confused as to why Kido would call her; usually, they'd text like normal people do. Apparently reading her mind, Kido tells her, "Yes, hello. I decided to call since you nor Haruka were answering our texts."

She ponders over it. " _Our_  texts?"

"Yes. Everyone was quite stressed about you two," Kido reasons. "After all, the storm's getting bad and it's also getting late, and you two haven't gotten home."

Ah, well, thinking about it, it might not be the craziest thing. They did go out on a date rather early, and after the storm started, neither she or Haruka remembered to update their roommates on where they were. Of course they'd worry.

"Oh– sorry about that. We were just... distracted, I guess. We're fine, though."

"That's good to hear," the leader talks back in a softer voice, probably relieved to receive the news. "Alright, then. Are you two coming back tonight, or...?"

"Ah, no, we're..." Takane, of course, hesitates. She stares off at the wall, thinking of what to say, before her mouth finishes the sentence by itself, "...at my grandma's. It was closer by so we decided to crash here."

"Oh, I see," Kido's reply comes almost instantly. "It's best if you stay there. Going out with this storm might be dangerous."

"Y – yup," Takane nods, even though she knew Kido couldn't see her. "So, uhhh, see you all tomorrow."

"Indeed. See you. Take care, you two."

When Takane hangs up, Haruka immediately questions her, "Why did you lie to the leader?"

She knew the question was coming. But it wasn't like that lie could hurt anyone, really; it was for the best. So she turns around to face Haruka rather tiredly. It was very simple, did he really want her to explain it?

" _Because_  Haruka," she starts. "We can't just say we're in a _hotel room_  together. That's just..."

"Uh, the truth?"

"Yeah, but it's not like it matters!" she argues. Haruka didn't seem terribly affected by the dishonesty, fortunately, as he was still smiling. "Just a little lie. I say we're at grandma's and they'll be like, ah, okay. I say we're at a hotel room and... we won't hear the end of it."

"Why?" when he asks this, Takane just looks at him like she wants to dissect him in the spot. She sees him swallow. "O – okay, I get it. But I'm sure Kido wouldn't think anything of it."

"Sure, Kido would be alright, but then she has to tell _everyone_  where we are. What do you think Kano or Shintaro will say when they see us? Huh? No thanks. Just dodging the bullet with a small lie that doesn't hurt anyone, okay? Okay."

"Okay! I get it," Haruka laughs. "It's alright!"

 _Yes, it's alright,_  Takane repeats to herself. _It's alright._

Except it wasn't, because she was still feeling like _that_  and after all of that Haruka's hair was messed up and very cute and she wanted to die. Well, now that she was taking the moment to properly look at him, she sees that everything is cute. Because now he was blushing as well and he was smiling at her, and as she was on the phone he apparently decided to sit criss crossed, and he just looked very cute as he held a pillow on his lap. Very cute. She just loves him so much that anything he does, ever, is cute to her.

"...What is it?"

"Huh?" Takane blinks confusedly at him. Haruka simply nervously giggled back,

"Ehh– Takane was staring, so I thought maybe there's something wrong..."

"No, you just look really cute, that's all..." she tilts her head, and right after she says that, _she can't believe she said that_. And so calmly, too. What's gotten into her? She just said it like it was a genuine answer. And, well, it was, but that didn't mean it was something she'd ever allow herself to say out loud.

Too late, apparently. And taking it back would just be dumb, so all Takane can bring herself to do is look away.

"Ah, well– Ta – Takane looks very cute too. Well, she always looks cute. _Very_  cute! Um..."

But apparently her words had made Haruka more embarrassed than she had thought; at least, he sure sounded like it.

Takane raises an eyebrow, and suddenly, it's her turn to be worried. She scoops closer to him, and he jumps when her leg brushes against his knee. Takane was officially worried, "Eh, Haruka, are you alright?"

"I – I am! Definitely," he says, but she definitely notices how he avoided to look at her. "I'm alright!"

Obviously, he was flustered, but it's not like it's the first time she's calling him cute. She's definitely done it before, and whereas he always gets a little shy, it's not like this. And it was the same with kisses, really.

Haruka does blush and get embarrassed, that happens a lot. Especially around the first few days they were dating. He became a mess from just holding hands, but really, it was charming. Takane thought it was cute that he also got all mushy and timid. But this was just a little odd.

He trembles again when she puts a hand on his shoulder, and of course, he continued to refuse to look at her, "Haruka, what's wrong?"

At this point, she was actually so worried she sort of forgot about the discomfort she felt down there. Of course it wasn't gone, but she was distracted, so it was easier.

"I – I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." and if she wasn't confused enough, Haruka apologizes. Takane was about to ask what the hell he's even talking about, but then she sees the way he tightens the hold of the pillow, firmly pressing it against his lap. And then, it clicks to her.

Well, it doesn't, but the idea of it finally darted in her mind and suddenly she can't think of anything else.

Takane physically feels all the blood rushing to her face, and again, she has no idea how she hasn't passed out yet. She breathes in and out, carefully, trying to, for once, think before speaking. But it's not a very easy thing to do when your brain is refusing to do its job.

"Ha – Haruka, are you...?"

Oh, so she was asking? Was she really gonna ask "hey, you got a boner?". Seriously, what reality was this? Maybe she did pass out and this is all a dream. Honestly, she wouldn't even be surprised.

But she knew that wasn't the case; as unclear as her gaze is and as foggy as her mind felt, she very clearly felt the beating of her own heartbeat and how scorching her clothes felt. And it goes without mentioning that if she were to pass out, she'd immediately pop up in either of their phones.

So Takane doesn't finish the question. She tries to look for something else to say, just as Haruka started, "I'm– I'm sorry, Takane. If you want, we really can just get separate rooms! Or, I'll just sleep on the floor– Ah, as long as you're comfortable, anything's okay–"

"No! It's – it's okay!" she says before she can stop herself, and automatically wants to slap her own face. What's with her, sounding so desperate!? Haruka looks at her questioningly, because not even someone as oblivious as him could overlook the way she sounded. So in spite of her embarrassment, she seems to have no option but force herself to speak, "I – I mean, I'm not uncomfortable at all but... I get it if _you_  are because _duh_ , but..."

"But?"

He blinks at her, and obviously, he's not making this any easier. He really is going to make her say it, isn't it?

Really, sometimes she even feels proud of herself. Most of the interactions she has with Haruka on a daily basis now couldn't have happened back then. They just couldn't. Of course, they always got along, but her stubborness always got the best of her.

That's something she and Haruka like to talk about, sometimes. He says he used to be even more unobservant, even more distracted. A relationship back then would've been kind of messy. Obviously, both agree that the two of them would've been happy no matter what.

However, when they talk about the hypothetical scenarios, Haruka can't bring himself to ignore the inevitable ending. He says that even if she had made it in time to tell him her feelings, he's not sure he would've accepted them; he was dying, anyway, and he didn't want his eventual absence be even harder on her.

But he says he's not sure. He says he likes to think he would've rejected her, to make himself feel better about the kind of person he is, but he's not sure. That maybe, he would've surrended to his own feelings just so he could holds hands with her at least once before dying.

All in all, Haruka said that what could have been shouldn't matter anymore. He had held her hand, and told her he was glad they get to be together now. That she got to tell him anyway.

She notices she's digressing in her own mind, and that Haruka is still waiting for her to say something. The thing is, by remembering all of this, Takane feels considerably less nervous.

So she wants to have that sort of intimacy with Haruka. Big deal, right? She'll just tell him, like she told him she loves him. If he doesn't want it, it'll be okay either way, because the important thing is that they like each other and are comfortable with one another. He was kind of put on the spot in his situation, so she didn't want him to have a bad time either. If then he decided he'd be more comfortable in a separate room, then she's okay with that.

But from her part, she really, really wants him to stay here.

So Takane emboldens herself, and she doesn't even care that Haruka is watching as she takes in a deep breath of courage to speak. Even with all these feelings she still can't dare to look at him in the eye, so she keeps her gaze glued to her own hands.

"I – I..." she clears her throat, hating how high her voice is sounding. It doesn't fix it, though, and she continues to sound like she's on helium. She gulps, "I... I feel like that too... s – so if... if Haruka wants, we can... b – because I kind of want to, wi – with Haruka, a – and..."

Yeah, that whole thing seemed to make more sense in her mind. Takane covers her face. And she didn't think her face could feel hotter, but newsflash, it is. God, she must be purple by now.

She hears him sigh a shaky sigh, but she doesn't know what that means.

Just when she was about to simply take everything back and maybe jump out the window to die in the heavy storm outside, she feels his hand grab her shoulder. She immediately shoots her head up, meeting with Haruka's face a little bit closer than she had anticipated. Miraculously, she doesn't jump back,

"Wh – Wh–"

"I'm going to kiss you," he states, gently grabbing her wrist with his free hand when her arms involuntarily start making poor karate movements or something. "Is that alright?"

She's nodding even before she processes the question. Thing is, she processes the question when he's already kissing her. She would've still said yes, anyway.

"Takane," he says suddenly, leaving another faint kiss on her lips before pulling away just barely. "Just to be sure, are we talking about sex?"

Sometimes, when Haruka speaks, the feeling she has are the equivalent of having a bucket of ice water dumped over her.

She sighs heavily, pressing her head on the crook of his neck, simply grumbling, "Yes, Haruka."

"Ah, good," he giggles. "I really just wanted to be sure."

Even if she had tried, Takane doesn't think she could feel angry right now. Sure, he's an embarrassing dumbass, but that was fine. She liked him like this. Haruka kisses her again.

And despite her head still felt like it was stuffed with cotton, when they're like this, it doesn't feel like she needs to think anything, so it was fine. She wraps her arms around his neck and it's comfortable again.

She doesn't lay back this time though. He's still sitting up, so Takane gets on her knees so she's approximately more at his height. Haruka immediately hugs her closer, and the burning feeling inside of her only stings again. But that could wait; she just tries to focus on the heat of his mouth against hers.

She feels how he, slowly and hesitantly, puts away the pillow he was holding. Her first urge is to immediately look down and just see, but she holds back. It was fine; she didn't need to rush, even if her heart was pounding at her ears.

He presses against her as if to make her lay down like earlier (which convinces Takane of him having done it on purpose then), but she makes herself stiff. She felt too nervous to have him on top of her again after having a conversation that was practically "sure, let's have sex for the first time right now!"

Well, at the moment it didn't feel like the conversation was like that, but now Takane feels like everything's happening at once. She doesn't want to chicken out, but gosh, this was just very overwhelming. Just as Haruka fondly cupped her cheek, her hand traveled down, her fingertips suddenly brushing on his hip. She feels him tremble.

She breaks the kiss again, but Haruka keeps his hands on her face. And because of some act of divinity, she manages to ask, "Can I touch you?"

There wasn't even a stutter, and she didn't feel like shooting herself in the head after saying it so that was good. On his part he immediately nods, despite he had that helpless look in his eyes. She didn't know what that meant, but it wasn't like she could think at all anyway. So she moves her hand to his crotch; Haruka jumps again, but he still doesn't say anything.

She cups his hard on with her hand for a moment, as if testing the waters, first softly, and then slightly more firmly. Again, she really doesn't know if she's imagining it or it's actually a thing and he's getting harder. She genuinely has no idea, but she feels something.

He had decided to hide his face in the crook of her neck, so in this position, Takane really couldn't see what her hand was doing, but she still takes it upon herself to get it over with and unbutton his trousers.

It's kind of difficult because he had a belt too, because of course he did, and it wasn't all that easy to undo when she wasn't looking. Even so, the sound alone of the belt made her so much more nervous.

When that's done, he lifts himself just slightly so she could pull down his trousers to his thighs. Only his thighs because she guesses both were too flustered to try pull them further down. At least she was, anyway.  
When she decides she needs to look, Takane rests her forehead on his shoulder, and looks down. She feels Haruka breathing against her neck.

It's dark, so she can't see a lot. Not only because the lights in this room were shit, but also because the shade of their bodies against each other didn't left room for much light to come in, but she can tell his boxers are light blue. Okay, so she has that information now. Light blue.

Which only reminds her; what underwear is she wearing? God, she doesn't even remember. She just knows her knickers and bra must be mismatched. Well, it _is_  mismatched, no doubt there. She isn't even sure she owns any matching underwear at all. And usually, she doesn't care for that. Really, she doesn't.

But, oh, god. As much as she hated to admit it, the idea of Haruka having to see her in underwear she hasn't carefully chosen, _frightens_  her. She's just became one of those ridiculous girls who want to look nice for their boyfriends.

 _Is there something wrong with that, though?_  she asks herself, as her hand gently felt his still covered erection. She presses lightly, and feels how it hardens more against her palm. She clears her throat out of nervousness. _I mean, if the boyfriend is a guy like Haruka... I can't really blame those girls, can I?_

And it wasn't like she wanted to back off because she wasn't wearing the underwear she'd like. But in truth, she does think she'll go shopping after this whole thing.

She knows she was mentally digressing about this sort of thing just so she didn't have to entirely deal with the situation, but those thoughts are promptly interrupted when Haruka actually lets out a moan. It was low, and maybe mixed with a sigh, but it was close to her ear and now Takane felt like ants were walking on her neck.

The sensation in between her legs just gets hotter and hotter. It felt like if she got distracted enough, maybe she'd unconsciously slip her own hand in her underwear. She shakes the thought away (but keeps in mind she doesn't want to let that happen), as she hooked her fingers in the sides of his boxers.

This time she does pull apart from Haruka. She wasn't about to blame herself for wanting to, well, _see_. She looks at him as if to get the next okay, and even if he nods rather quickly, it takes her a moment to actually pull them down.

She doesn't know how Haruka doesn't tell her anything after she takes a _long_  look. Honestly, if _he_  wanted to take such a long look of _her_  bits, she'd want to kick him. But she can't help herself. She's just glad his dick isn't as ugly as the ones she's unfortunately seen in Shintaro's horrible, horrible porn files. And then she's disappointed that this is the first thing that came to mind when looking at her boyfriend's junk for the first time.

So she lifts her gaze to see how he's doing, but Haruka's just looking away. He nervously steals a quick glance of her before looking away again; his face is pink, and his ears are completely red. She feels like hers might be too.

Takane takes her cardigan off before daring to take a hold of him. Again, Haruka jumps, and she thinks he might've bitten his tongue. She would normally laugh, but she can't find it in her to do so as her fingers curled around him.

It was hot, literally speaking. His dick just felt like _burning_  against her hand, which she thought was already hot in itself, so that said something. And despite she wasn't quite ready to deal with that yet, as soon as she starts to gently pump it, a white drop of... _that_  instantly appears at the top.

And she, delicate as always, immediately says, _out loud, for Haruka to hear,_ "Ah– w – wait, so soon?"

Which is probably not what a boy wants to hear in his first time, really. Takane swallows back an apology when she sees Haruka basically die inside. He covers his face, "N – no, no..."

But apparently he recovers fast, because soon he's cupping her face with both hands, his eyes blazing at hers. He timidly pecks her lips as if that was the first time he did it, and hugs her close again, muffledly whispering on her shoulder, "Please keep going."

Takane nervously nods against him, and resumes what her hand had started doing. He quickly groans again, and she shudders at the sound of it, and actually felt herself smile. The feeling of being the reason he's making these sounds, somehow, put her in a good mood.

She liked that she could make Haruka feel like this. And as raw and weird as it sounded, she was just happy she could get him to get a hard on from just making out or whatever. She knew Haruka likes her, sure, especially since he makes sure to remind her _every single day_ , but her self-steem continued to be rough (not as much as back then, though), and sometimes, it was difficult to believe someone like Haruka would want someone like her.

"Ah, _Takane_..."

But it was her name that he was moaning out. It was her he was happy to be with, and that made Takane kind of proud. She presses a light kiss on his ear, frickling her wrist as she started to work him through faster.

He pulled away, and this time she sees how he looks like during this. His eyes are tightly closed, and he licks his lips a lot. He let out more sighs and breaths rather than any actual moans, but she really likes the ones that escaped him.

So, cute. That's how he looks; cute. Not that it surprised her.

Suddenly though, he's looking at her with his eyes half open, breathless and dazed. He speaks shakily, "Ta – Takane... your hands–"

"M – my hands?"

"Yeah, your hands..." he cuts himself off, shutting his eyes again as he let out a soundless moan. He takes in a breath before finishing his sentence, his voice as high as hers was earlier, "Y – your hands are so small."

She receives that statement with confusion, and because she's her, she jumps to the worst conclusion right away. She doesn't stop with the matters at hand, but does nervously ask, "Is... is that a bad thing?"

"No!" Haruka hurries to answer, offering her that hazy look again. "No, it's not, I – I love your hands. They feel really nice."

As if to prove it, he takes her free hand to press a kiss on it, "I love your hands," he whispers again, against the skin of it. Takane, suddenly, found herself to be too embarrassed to look at him in the face, and somehow found it easier to look down to what she was doing. Yeah, it got to the point where it was easier to see how she jerked him off rather than see his cute face.

She wondered if she just kept doing this or change the pace. She figures that maybe Haruka would tell her? Faster, slower? Huh, well, on her part, she's not sure she'd dare to say something like that. It was too embarrassing, really.

But Haruka's panting on her ear again, breathlessly muttering, "Keep going, keep going..."

So she does, and he starts to tense up even more, and then it's just a matter of seconds until he relaxes and her hand is covered in something wet. And now, she really didn't want to look.

"I – I'm sorry..."

"What are you sorry for, jackass?"

"I – I got your hand all messy... ah, wait a second."

He says, and before she could call him a dumbass for apologizing, she sees him reaching down to grab something next to the bed. She raises an eyebrow until she sees him handing her a small tissue packet. He puts his backpack back down, and Takane accepts the packet.

"Sorry, they're small, but..."

"Stop apologizing," she cuts him off, offering him a few tissues as well just in case. He takes them. "It's okay."

Haruka just hums, "Well, how about thanking you?"

"Do _not_  thank me for giving you a handjob. Dear god."

Haruka laughs. Thank god, _he laughs_ , and it's not awkward.

They were talking rather normally, which was good. She thought that maybe, after something like that they would be a little too... weird to speak with one another, but she was glad that didn't seem to be the case.

In fact, Haruka was beginning to press smiley kisses on her cheek, "Takane?"

She throws the used tissues in the bin next to the bed, and she couldn't help giggling a little, since he was getting close to her neck and those butterfly kisses can be slightly ticklish. She softly pushes him away, keeping her hands on his chest, "What?"

"Can I do you next?"

Of course, Takane explodes just right at that moment.

Well, she doesn't, _clearly_. But it sure felt like she did. She gets back to her side of the bed, pointing an accusing finger at him, "YOU... YOU CAN'T JUST ASK THAT!"

"Ehh?" Haruka questions. "I thought asking was the sensible thing to do, though. Takane would've preferred it if I did it without asking...?"

"Don't _put it_  like that! That way it's just..." she tries to object, but she finds nothing in her favour. Haruka just stares back, almost worriedly, as if he genuinely couldn't understand what was embarrassing her. Takane sighs. "Fine. _I appreciate_  that you'd ask."

"Ah, yay!" and apparently, that was all he needed to feel free to get all over her again. Not that she minded though, but she might've not thought it through when she laid back down on her side.

She doesn't have the time to sit up before Haruka kisses her, but she's not sure she would've done it. It's also a mystery how Haruka goes from a giggly, dumb person to _this_. Literally just before kissing her he went "yay" and now he's catching her lower lip in between his teeth.

Takane grabs onto the collar of his shirt, and she's not sure if she actually meant to start unbuttoning it, because usually, when you do things, you think about doing them beforehand, right? But nope, not Takane. One second she's just kissing Haruka and the next second she's unbuttoning his shirt.

He doesn't even object; when she gets to the third or fourth button, he straightens up to grab the shirt by the back and take it off. What's with boys and taking their shirts off like that? Why do they grab it by the back?

Takane tries to distract herself with all these questions as he leans back towards her, her hands now in contact with his bare shoulders and back. It's _not_  the first time she sees him shirtless, but hey, it obviously has a heavier effect when he's also on top of her kissing her desperately.

She rolls her head back when he started to trail down with kisses towards her neck. She thought that if he did that, she'd want to stop him, but she doesn't. She likes the feeling of his mouth against her. His hand crept under her t-shirt, and rested on her waist.

Again, before she can even realize, she's holding her arms up so she could take it off, and when he does, his kisses start going lower.

A part of her wants to tell him to wait, to slow down, but she doesn't find any words, since she didn't actually _want_  him to. She was just embarrassed, nervous, and when Haruka leans up again, just as his kisses reached her collar bones, Takane crosses her arms over her bra.

"Don't hide yourself, Takane," he tells her, softly pushing her arms away. His lips brush against hers when he says, "You're so beautiful."

"I–" she swallows her complaint, sure that Haruka would interrupt her first. But he doesn't, so Takane opens her eyes to check on him, only to find him smirking.

"Ah, were you expecting a kiss?"

"Fuck _off–_ " this time, she _is_  interrupted with a kiss. She doesn't push him away, however, which probably let him win as she wasn't actually angry, but Takane didn't actually care.

One of his fingers carefully pushes down one of the straps of her bra, and the kiss became slightly slower as he did so, before stopping altogether. Haruka was looking at her, too, probably asking if it was okay. Takane pauses for a second.

He looked so worried and so fond. Even if they weren't talking right now, she knew that he wanted her to be as comfortable as possible, and he wanted to go at her pace. She steals another kiss from him before sitting up to find the clip of her bra.

Haruka immediately grabs it when it's loose, sliding it off her arms, never taking his eyes off of her. Before Takane could actually get uncomfortable with him gawking, she starts to feel his lips against her again when she lays back down.

His hands are warm, is what she thinks when he cups one of her breasts. It was warm and it felt nice there; not necessarily in a sexual way, really. She just really liked the feeling of it. However, when he catches her nipple in between his fingers to start softly rubbing it, Takane trembles.

It wasn't a sensation strong enough to make her make a sound or something, but it really did feel nice. She covered her mouth as she watched Haruka softly grab her other breast to hold it in the direction of his face. She closes her eyes before she can see him press a kiss on her nipple.

She shivered when she felt his hands start making its way down her body; he continued to kiss her neck and chest, until his hand found itself beneath her navel. It rested there, as he watched her and repeated the same question she made earlier, "Can I touch you?"

And she repeated what he had done; she immediately nods. Haruka smiles contently, and leans down for another peck before grabbing on the sides of her leggings. In her mind, she was pushing him away and telling him "hey, you're going too fast!", but in reality, she was lifting her hips so it was easier for him to do.

Her leggings are completely inside out by the moment they're off her, but she didn't care in the slightlest about that. She was under his careful gaze, that this time _was_  worth of a, "What are you staring at!?"

Of course, Haruka just laughs, "Nothing. It's just that you're more beautiful than I've ever imagined or drawn."

Her head might as well be steaming now, really, and Takane knows that Haruka sees that, because he just laughs again. Damn him, and damn that even though what he just said is also worth of an insult, she doesn't say a thing, and she's kissing him again.

She makes a small yelp of surprise when he feels one of his fingers in between her legs. Right, he asked to touch her, so this was only a matter of time. She gulps, and feels herself tremble as it presses just a little, tentatively, until Haruka asks, "Is there okay?"

God, he's actually asking her. Alright.

Takane knew she was one of those ignorant girls who didn't really know how her own body worked, but she guesses that she has a slightly bigger idea of it than Haruka does. Being an ignorant girl and being and ignorant boy meant very different levels of ignorance when it came to this. She still sounds unsure when she says, "A... a little bit higher, maybe."

So he slides his finger a little bit higher, and when she does, her legs tremble. Haruka notices, of course, so he talks again, "Oh, here?"

It was just too embarrassing to answer that question, so Takane limits herself with nodding. And as the situation in itself was _also_  very embarrassing, she just looks away. It didn't seem to bother Haruka; this way, she left him room to start pressing butterfly kisses again.

She instantly arches her back when he starts rubbing his fingers there, letting out just the smallest noise. It was mortifying how quickly he had gotten this sort of reaction from her, but in her defense, she's been dying to get any kind of _anything_  down there for over an hour.

It starts feeling even more sticky than before, and again, it's _gross_ , but she wasn't going to ask Haruka to take her knickers off. Nope.

She suddenly moans, louder than any of the sounds Haruka has made previously, and she quickly covers her mouth. She turns to look at him in... shame, honestly, but Haruka's _grinning._ She'd ask him why, but she moans again, and grabs onto his arm,

"It feels nice, Takane?" he asks, and yet again, she's mortified. Is that why he's grinning!? "Do I do it harder or softer?"

 _Fuck off, honestly!_  "Ha – harder..." _I WANNA DIE._

He nods, whispering a small "okay" before start doing it harder like _she_  asked. He rubs his fingers quicker against her covered clit and she whines again. And then, before she can help herself, it's his name she's whining, which only seemed to make Haruka happier.

"Sh – _shit,_ ah, Haruka..."

"Yes," he answered, way more happily than he should, and she could practically feel his smile against her ear. "I like it when you say my name."

"Ha – Harukaaaaa..."

She didn't just voluntarily moan his name to indulge him, what are you talking about? Nope, nope.

Her hips unwillingly quiver, as if thrusting up, when she comes. She guesses Haruka sees what happened, by the way she physically relaxed, but– ...did she really last that little? She can't even stress over it, though, since it just... it just felt really nice.

Ah, don't orgasms release happy stuff in your brain? Maybe that was it? Um?

Haruka, though, either didn't notice she came or he just was overexcited, because he was still touching her. But it was softer, so perhaps he did notice; either way, she didn't mind, it still felt good, and she felt calmer now. Her brain was officially as useful as mush.

"Ah, it makes me so happy to see it makes you feel nice, Takane!" he tells her, taking his hand away. She frowns, because she didn't want him to stop yet, until she feels his fingers now at the sides of her knickers, "Maybe it'll be better if it's directly?"

"Ehhh– wa – wait–"

His hands freeze, and he watches her carefully. His change of demeanor takes her off guard, so she's promptly very confused when he, very seriously and almost worriedly, says, "Yes, of course."

_Ah. I told him to "wait"._

There's a pause, in which they just watch each other. Haruka patiently waited for her to say something, and Takane just went over the situation. She swallows a little, before pressing her legs together so her underwear was easy to take off. Haruka was still waiting for the okay, though.

"I..." Takane starts. "I. I like Haruka's eyes."

Blinking, Haruka confusedly stares back at her until he's suddenly smiling again. His hands abandon her sides, and he leans down to press their lips together. "I like your eyes too."

"My eyes are mean."

"No, they're sweet," he tells her, almost offended. He pulls back to look at her in the eye, holding her hand close to his heart, "They're sweet, and I feel like the most important person in the world when you look at me."

The honesty in his voice threatened tears in her eyes, so Takane, not being able to suppress the smile on her face, tries to avoid that from happening. If she cried, Haruka would cry too, and maybe he'll think she's upset. But she wasn't; she's just enamored.

In her case, she feels like she could melt when Haruka looks at her. If she were to describe his eyes with just one word, she'd use "warm".

With just one look, in just one second, Haruka is able to make her feel happier than she's ever, ever been. So, contrary to her lovesick mind, she asks, "Take my knickers off?"

And Haruka, of course, obeys. Her knickers end in the same place where all of their forgotten clothes are, which she guesses is the floor, but that didn't matter right now. She shudders again when his hand finds its way back in that spot, his fingers lightly testing her down there.

"Wh – what's wrong?" she finds herself asking, when she sees the way Haruka glanced down, as if surprised. He smiles, albeit slightly bashfully,

"It's nothing," he says. "It's just that it's really wet."

There he goes again, saying things no one should ever say. This time, however, Takane doesn't complain. She was mortified enough to stay quiet.

Soon enough though, his hand was away again, and when she looks at him, she is just... well, mortified again.

"What..." she instinctively covers her chest, for some reason. "What are you doing?"

"Ah, I just wanted to see how it tasted?" he answers, as if it wasn't absolutely _weird_  to lick the finger he was just touching her with. "For when I... uh, with my mouth, maybe..."

Ah, so now _that_  got him embarrassed. Because of fucking course; even someone as Haruka _has_  to be embarrassed about the implications of his words, which told Takane that he clearly didn't think before speaking. Huh, just like her.

"I mean, only if Takane wants, really," he continued talking, tragically. "I – I mean, _I'd_  like to... ahh, um..."

"T – to what?"

She knew what he meant. She definitely knew what he meant, so why the fuck is she asking?

Haruka put a hand on her knee, sighing shakily, "T – to, um..."

He had been avoiding eye contact, but after he fails to finish the sentence again, he dares to glance at her. He's almost wincing, as if he expected the worst reaction possible from her, but his face becomes softer when he sees she's not saying no.

She's clearly not saying yes either, but she thinks she might be. Because Haruka hesitantly leans down just slightly, like he was testing whether she'll scream out or not. But she doesn't, so he leans down even more. She moans as soon as he gives the first lick.  
  
 _I seriously can't believe I'm letting Haruka do this..._  
  
 _..._  
  
 _I'M SO GLAD I'M LETTING HARUKA DO THIS._

Takane looks down at him, and he's looking straight back at her. He continues, apparently relaxing now that he was sure she was okay with it, and Takane bites her lip.

He's doing it slowly, tentatively. He's being careful, and eventually, he'd suck in her clit only to continue licking it after. She whispers his name in small moans again and again; his arms were wrapped around her thighs, and his hands locked with hers.

 _Of course Haruka wanted to do something with his mouth,_  she thinks, allowing herself to look down at him for just a second. She rolls her head back with a big sigh when he catches her clit in between his lips. _Of course._

But then he suddenly stops, and Haruka's speaking to her from down there, "Takane, is it–"

"What are you doing, don't stop!" she says before she can stop herself. She'll have time to be embarrassed about how desperate she sounded later, especially since she had unlocked their hands specifically to push his head back down. It wasn't like that was necessary, though, because as soon as she spoke, Haruka was immediately back at it.

His hair felt nice in between her fingers, and she made sure to be careful not to pull it, but it was very hard as Haruka did something like this. She just wanted to grab onto something, so as nice and soft his hair was, she gets her hands away to squeeze the back of her pillow instead.

It only took him a few more licks to make her come again, so Takane let go a breath. Haruka continued, so she put her hand in his hair again, brushing it back. She spoke, too lovesick to even notice she was speaking, "Haruka..."

She said his name in a calling tone, so he looks up at her. Something in the way she looked must've told him she was done, because he was crawling back up to her soon enough. Takane welcomes him in her arms with sleepy kisses.

But she knows she's not going to sleep yet; especially when she feels the pressure of his second hard on against her leg. Ah, of course. But then, something clicks, and her eyes shoot open.

"Ha – Haruka–" she starts, but since she had pulled him away, he was just entertaining himself with kissing her neck instead. He hums as an answer, as if uninterested, so Takane taps his shoulder insistently, "Haruka!"

Reluctantly, he lifts his head to face her. He looked concerned, "Is there something wrong?"

"Well, _yeah,_ " she says, and that immediately makes him drop the smile. She speaks before he can ask about it, "We don't... we don't have, uh, protection."

Haruka blinks, as if he hadn't comprehended what she said. Takane waits awkwardly for something, because really, there wasn't helping this. They just didn't have protection.

He's leaning down again, so Takane tightly closes her eyes. She nervously keeps her hands on his shoulders as if to keep distance, but in this state, she couldn't bring herself to be very strong. Her wrists felt floppy and she just really wanted to keep going, so her voice is shaky and weak, "Wa – wait, wait, wait! For real, we need it, you can't just _pull out_  because we don't even know what's up with that and–"

But she's not feeling his lips or his hands on her, and instead his chest is just pressing against hers in a weird position. So Takane nervously opens one eye, only to see Haruka rummaging in his backpack's front pocket. She feels so done when she seems him holding a condom.

"Why _the fuck_  do you have a condom," she hisses, her words filled with venom. "Just. Why. _How._ "

"They always give them out at the hospital," he explains, and Takane huffs. He sounded and looked awkward, so she can only imagine how uncomfortable it must've been for him to accept these. "And I felt like it was kinda rude to be like, oh no my girlfriend and I aren't using those yet so no thanks."

Despite how stupid the scenario he was telling her was, Takane can't help laughing. Still, she doesn't forget about the main topic, "I've gone with you to your check ups a _million_  times and no one's ever tried to give us those."

"Actually, yes they have. Takane just rudely walks past anyone who tries to offer her anything."

"...Oh."

"Yeah," he giggled, and paused for a moment. He's looking at her again, with fondness and concentration, and she feels like she could melt at any second. Just as Takane was starting to get impatient, Haruka leans down to kiss her again. "Takane, if you aren't comfortable–"

"I am!" she quickly kisses him back. "I am. Are you?"

"I am!"

"Okay then, fine!"

"Yes, fine."

"Alright."

"Yup."

Silence descends in between them again, and neither is doing anything, so Takane takes it upon herself to move things forward again. She forces the question out, "Do you... know how to put that on?"

"No," he immediately answers and wow, thanks, Haruka, for making things easier. That is indeed sarcasm because Takane wants to strangle him. Can't he just lie? "But I guess I can figure it out?"

She clicks her tongue, sighing worriedly. "O – okay, if you aren't sure though, ask me."

"Ah, you know how it works?"

"No."

"That is very reassuring, then."

She laughs. Yeah, true she had _no idea_ , but she guesses that maybe two dumbasses can work it out better than one dumbass. Right? Yeah, she has no idea, but she was just worried. She absently hears him finish taking off his trousers as she thought it over; she was a narcoleptic nineteen year old and her boyfriend is a survivor of a life-threatening illness of the same age, so getting pregnant right now wouldn't be very lucky.

If that _happened_  though... she's not sure she would be very upset. The idea of it gets less weird the more she thinks about it, really. Yeah, they have practically no money and they live with like ten other people who are even younger than them, but... She's sure they could figure it out? Having his kid wouldn't be all that tragic.

She'd just prefer that waited for a little bit.

"Are you thinking about something?" he suddenly asks, and Takane shrugs,

"Yeah. Teenage pregnancy."

Haruka laughs, "I'm pretty sure I put it on right, so try not to think about that."

"Wa – wait, you're done?"

"I am."

"Oh. Okay. ...Okay."

Sending a calming smile his way, Haruka slowly lines himself up with her, and seeing him look so focused made her want to kiss him. Then, he looks at her again, his voice filled with awkwardness, "Um– Do you want a safeword?"

"Uh," Takane tries to find any signs of a joke on his face, but she finds none. Of course. She clears her throat, "How about, "ouch, fucking stop that?""

"...Okay. I guess that works," he chuckles, and when he places his hands at her sides, Takane realizes how real this was.

Of course she knew all of it was real (it sure _felt_  like it) but the feeling of "this is it" was starting to tug at her stomach. It already felt weird having her legs spread like this, and even weirder having him in between them. Yeah, even weirder than when she had his face down there instead.

And a part of her was nagging in her brain that _she_  should be on top. Because even if Haruka was fine now, what if something happened? She didn't want him to overexert himself or something. Although, well, he has been told to be completely healthy already, so she guesses that her passing out while on top might actually be more plausible.

So she feels fine. She feels comfortable; yes, she was absolutely overwhelmed, but she honestly can't feel anything bad when Haruka looks at her like this. She feels her eyes widen when he pushes it in.

"Are you okay?" he immediately asks her, staying completely still. Takane takes in a breath,

"I am! I am," she reassures, and she thinks she actually is. Because she expected it to hurt really fucking bad, and she's glad it's not her case.

"How is it?"

"Big."

"N – no, I mean, how do you feel?"

It definitely felt _weird_ , but it didn't hurt. It felt fine, and if anything, it felt good, but she decided that was too embarrassing to say.

So instead, she grabs his hips, and slowly pushes them forward so he'd start moving. That seems to be his cue, since he was apparently waiting for her to say it was okay, and with his gentle lips on hers it was actually more than okay.

He's doing it slowly, sliding in and out, and she'd tell him to do it faster if that wasn't an absolutely mortifying thing to say. So Takane stays quiet, except for the quiet gasps of air she couldn't help making, matching Haruka's as well. It definitely felt better now that there was movement.

"Faster, go faster," she mutters, even though just two seconds ago she thought she'd be caught dead before saying something like this. He doesn't nod or answer at all, simply doing as told as he groaned her name in the crook of her neck.

Her heels digged in the small of his back, her legs completely wrapped around his waist. She moaned as a good rocking rhythm was set, and she hugged him close, and then she absently starts to hear his voice muffled against her skin and hair. He was saying something.

Eventually, she starts to comprehend the panting as, "Just a bit more, just a bit more, just a bit more..." and, "not yet, not yet, not yet."

She wanted to smack him and also laugh at him, but all she brings herself to do is moan even louder after a particularly hard buckle of his hips. That _kind_  of hurt, but at the same time she kind of also wanted him to do it again.

So much for that shower she had when she arrived, she thinks, feeling her back wet with sweat. She hates feeling sweaty, and as she's used to doing absolutely zero physical activity, she was not used to it. But even so, as long as it kept feeling this good, she didn't mind a little sweat.

By the moment his movements start becoming more erratic and desperate, Haruka's _still_  pleading to himself out loud not to come yet, so as Takane digged her hands in his hair, she breathed out in a moan, "Haruka, shut the fuck up," followed by another moan.

Again, he does as told, but still whimpers, and she feels his body tremble. Hell no. She didn't want him to finish first. She's not sure how it works at all, but if he finishes first maybe that meant she'd have to take care of herself later and fuck, no thanks. She can't have that. So, again, leaving the embarrassment for her future self, Takane reaches her hand down.

It's not like Haruka could see she was rubbing her thumb on her clit, anyway. At least that's what she thought until she felt his hand there as well, gently moving hers away to do the job himself. Because of that, she wants to punch him as much as she wants to kiss him, so instead, Takane just whines loudly again.

It was ridiculous how the only way she could decipher this feeling was by admitting she felt complete. This was the grossest, most cheesy and disgustingly sappy and cliché thing she's _ever_  had to deal with, but she did. She felt complete.

So, careful not to let herself cry, because crying during sex would only be the cherry on top of the already horribly sappy situation, she whispers against his skin, "I love you."

And suddenly, all the pressure is washed away and she's coming again. She's not sure how it goes after that, because this time she _definitely_  saw the stars and blurry black spots she usually sees when she's about to pass out. In fact, she thinks she might've been out for a second. However it was, Haruka said "I love you too" almost instantly.

He had already pulled out by the moment she feels like she had recovered most of her senses, but Takane still felt like she was about to fall asleep. She lazily glances at Haruka, and she differentiates his wonderful smile in between the hazy gaze.

She seemed to be doing worse than she thought, because all of a sudden Haruka's kissing her forehead and she had no idea when he got so close.

"Don't try to keep yourself awake," he told her. She felt his thumb caressing her cheek down. "Rest, Takane."

She feels herself nod, and her lips mouthing another "I love you." The last thing she feels before falling asleep is Haruka's soft voice saying it back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding a chapter because this was supposed to be part of the story all along, but for some reason I decided to rush the ending and cut this out. But I changed my mind now, hahaha.

She really thought it would be fine.

Doing that sort of thing with Haruka– it felt so right. And it made her happy, even. To know that after everything, they really do get to have a normal future and a normal life where they get do... things like that, as embarrassing as they may be. All she felt with him was the same as ever; only that ridiculously huge love.

Which isn't gone right now, of course. But...

Takane clears her throat, nervously grabbing her cup of coffee. She takes a sip, and it's still too hot. She glances at Haruka. He was stuffing his face with breakfast food, as usual, but does look back at her. Both immediately look away from each other.

_But it's embarrassing._

It wasn't like things were _weird_  now. Just... awkward. It was clear to her that Haruka was also embarrassed, which she guessed was good, because it'd be really infuriating if she was the only one of the two feeling like this.

So, since the two of them clearly shared the feeling, Takane guessed they needed to talk about it. Thing is, she couldn't find the link between her brain and her mouth, so that already presented a problem. She takes another sip of her coffee and burns her tongue again. This time, she doesn't look away.

Seeing him hold the cup so delicately and do everything so slowly... she wants to scream, seriously. How does he manage to be so pretty, without any effort? He really just wakes up like this; it's like eight in the morning, after all.

As she watches him, all Takane can do is gulp down the hot coffee, feeling her throat burn in the process. She didn't care, because all she could see as she watched Haruka's lips press against the border of his cup is hundred of memories from last night, when his lips had been against so many different places on her body.

Takane nervously presses her legs together. Because that was the actual problem. She couldn't stop thinking about everything they did, and that was making her feel... well, dizzy and touch starved.

(Well, she's not sure why she's trying to use pretty terms like that. Horny. Horny is the word).

It wasn't that she _disliked_  it, it was just... quite the opposite of that, really. But this was too much. What, is she just doomed to feel this way until she gets used to the idea of sex with her partner? Please someone kill her.

Before she could combust out of the embarrassment that sole thought caused her, Haruka finally speaks up, "So... how did you sleep?"

She burns her tongue for a third time, this time because her stupid brain's first thought at this was "act casual" and apparently, the most coherent thing she could come up with was take yet another sip of the unforgivable hot coffee. She tries to play it cool though,

"Good! I mean fine. I mean not just fine, it was good. I slept really well. And you?"

_God, just end my suffering._

Her stuttering and red face (because she's sure she's blushing now) probably didn't help the case and it made her embarrassment painfully obvious, so Haruka giggles. Now that her embarrassment was practically just written on her forehead, Takane allows herself to frown.

However, his giggle dies down rather quickly. He went back to looking nervous, and since he was blushing too, Takane felt a little better.

"I slept well too," he says. "I slept really well, in fact. I like waking up next to you."

Takane blinks at him, and shoots her gaze down to her coffee when she processes his words. Back in the hideout they share a room as well, but not the futon. That means they do regularly wake up next to each other, so Haruka having the need to point this out after last night makes Takane think he means waking up _right_  next to each other.

_Ah, I'm reaaally over analyzing this, huh? Where was all this thinking back in highschool?_

When she was a teenager (technically, she still is, but the highschool days feel distant despite it's only been two years) she thought sharing a bed with someone was pointless. She thought it was dumb and she felt like she would never want that. It's _her_  space, after all. She wasn't sharing it with someone!

Then again, she didn't even _want_  someone, so...

But as with many other things, Haruka keeps changing her mind without meaning to. Sharing a bed, building a life with someone... All things she would've described as her worst nightmare when she was sixteen, and now are things Takane looks forward to.

"Me too," she says without thinking, and before she could curse herself, Haruka reaches his hand over the table. Takane does the same in a heartbeat, and their fingers intertwine comfortably. This is yet another thing she didn't think she'd ever do. Holding hands over the table is PDA and probably uncomfortable, but turns out that Takane doesn't give a shit.

Turns out she's too in love to give a shit.

"Takane," Haruka says, and she doesn't know if he's whispering or if it just sounds like he is thanks to the noise of the diner they're having breakfast in. She feels her chest swell with anticipation of the topic, as Haruka goes on, "Do you–"

"Do you need anything?" the waitress suddenly pops in from behind him, and both he and Takane jump startled. It doesn't look like the woman noticed though, as she just continued to smile expectantly.

Haruka, out of a miracle, rapidly shakes his head. Usually, when a waiter asks if they want anything else, Haruka licks his lips and goes "oh, yum, let's see!". This time, however, he just nervously looks at Takane, "No, not me. You?"

"No, I'm fine," she shakes her head equally as nervous, and after a gleeful "okay, just call me when you need me", the waitress strolls away. They're silent again.

Takane can't help but curse the cheerful employee right now. They were finally getting somewhere, finally speaking a word to one another, and then that dumbass comes in and ruins it. Jeez.

(Un?)fortunately, Haruka doesn't seem as affected, because his eyes are as focused as before, in a way where it almost felt like they were drilling into her mind and he was listening to all of her thoughts. And just like that, he simply blurts out, "Takane, I can't stop thinking about last night."

Just like that. He says something like that in public; just like that. Takane feels her soul leave her body the same way air would escape a balloon.

Haruka had whispered, but it still was an absolutely mortifying thing to say out loud. So, quickly, Takane just goes with one of her apparent catchphrases, "Y – you can't just say something like that!"

Usually, when she says nervous things like these, Haruka smiles at her and proceeds to either tease her or giggle. This time, he looked down to his food, the pink in his face only deepening, "Sorry."

He spoke with a tiny voice, and Takane felt the need to kiss the fuck out of him right now. Of course, she doesn't. Their hands are still locked with each other though, so it must be a very dumb sight for other people. Just two red faced teenagers holding hands over the table.

"It – it's fine..." she grumbles out, since she seemed to have no option but say this after he had apologized. Sighing, she guessed there was no point in hiding anything, "Me neither, anyway."

She makes sure to look away, because there's no way in hell she's gonna look at him after admitting this. By the sound of his voice, however, Takane can tell Haruka's relieved,

"Really?" he didn't only sound relieved, he sounded _happy._  It was like she could hear his smile slurred with the words. Takane forces herself to look back at him, and he's watching her with the most blissful eyes ever; almost like he could start crying any moment now. However, his face pauses with the realization of something, and soon enough, he was back to looking nervous, "W – wait, in a good way or a bad way?"

"... _Huh?_ "

"W – well, because maybe you can't stop thinking about it but as in, you hated it, so you can't stop thinking of how bad it was."

Takane just blinks at him, tiredly. Oh, god.

Does Haruka seriously think there's a possibility she could think of it in a bad way? God, with all the mortifying sounds she made last night, he should know the answer to this. She has no option but let out a really long, tired sigh.

" _No_ , Haruka. I did like it," she's forced to say, and Haruka's happy face is back. Takane felt her face burning by now, especially when she unnecessarily adds, "I... really liked it, in fact."

"Oh," he goes, smiling, before nervously starting to sputter out, "B – because I really liked it too, but if you didn't, then we wouldn't do it ever again! We don't need to do things like that to be a couple, anyway, right? But I did really enjoy it, so it would've been a shame–"

"Haruka," she cuts him off, and he immediately shuts his mouth. "You're saying too much."

Haruka nods in agreement, apparently trying to distract himself with eating more food. Takane, despite the situation, can't help but smile at him. He really is sweet, isn't he?

She tries the coffee again, and it's better now. As she does so, Haruka seems to have gotten over his embarrassment, and was speaking again, "So that means we can do it again, Takane?"

Takane almost chokes on the coffee, making a few drops of coffee jump on her face. Haruka's already handing her a napkin when she puts down the cup, smiling sheepishly at her; Takane can only try to hide her blush as she wiped her face.

"Sorry," he goes again. "I just, um..."

"Yes," Takane blurts out. "We can."

Haruka brightens up, "Really!? It can be a regular thing between us?"

He looked so hopeful, and even surprised (pleasently so, of course) and that view embarrassed her a little, but that wasn't new. It just... made her really happy Haruka didn't only enjoy it, but he wanted it to be a thing they do.

So Takane just nods. Haruka smiles,

"I love you so much, Takane."

That really had nothing to do with this, but it still makes Takane feel as if her hair was standing on end. Her face was boiling red from her neck to her forehead, she's sure, and in spite of it, a smile creeps itself on her face. God, she must look like a freak. Haruka just seemed to find her cute, because he looked at her with what seemed like heart eyes.

"I love you so much too," she says, because really, it wasn't like she wanted to say anything else.

They smile at each other before continuing with their food, their hands never leaving each other. Takane was content with this, despite she wasn't looking forward to seeing the Mekakushi Dan when they arrive at the hideout.

Don't get her wrong; their friends really are wonderful, but they're just... loud, and kind of unconsiderate of privacy, and she's a very shy person, so after the night she spent, she's going to feel pointed at despite no one knew a thing. Which reminded her, _oh, god._ Now that Haruka and her just decided this is going to be a thing between them, she realizes...

_We are never going to be able to do it at home._

_No, not while "home" is the hideout._

_We'll have to go to a hotel again or something._

Feeling like her head was steaming because of all the thinking, Takane simply tries to spot the waitress in the diner. When she does, the woman happily nods at her once she gestures at her to bring the check.

When Takane's attention is back on the table, she suddenly notices the way Haruka has been looking at her. She blinks at him, confused, and he blushes, which only makes her more confused. Seriously, she thought they had cleared things out already?

Alas, she seems to be wrong, because all of a sudden Haruka blurts out, "Takane, I used to masturbate to the thought of you."

She doesn't even have time to choke or pause. Reaching her hands over the table as if to cover his mouth (of course, she doesn't reach, so she just ends up looking like a lunatic making grabby hands at a boy), and she immediately reacts, "SHHHHH!"

Yes, that's her first and only reaction because _holy shit,_  her boyfriend had just made that statement out loud for her and everyone to hear. The people in the tables around them didn't seem to hear, and only looked at them after Takane had loudly shushed Haruka. She can only force herself to ignore them,

"Are you insane!?" she screams in a whisper, bringing her hands back to herself and grabbing onto the table. Haruka looks down in shame,

"Oh, I knew you'd be disgusted," he says, and Takane feels like she had just swallowed her own heart. Oh god, oh god. Haruka's eyes are teary with embarrassment. "Oh, now you _do_  regret last night, I'm sure."

Haruka covers his face, the one that was literally beet red all of a sudden, and Takane literally cannot comprehend the situation. They really went from zero to one hundred in a second, huh?

Panicking, Takane looks around, but no one is paying attention to them. She takes in a breath, "Ha – Haruka, wait– I didn't call you insane for that, I called you insane because you basically _screamed_  it."

That clearly doesn't make it better, because Haruka doesn't move an inch. Takane sighs.

Oh, boy. This means she has to actually talk about what he said, isn't it?

She had been so preoccupied with the volume of his words that she didn't give herself the time to actually _process_  said words. She feels her face heat up again, and her brain suddenly felt like it had melted and it was currently boiling inside of her skull.

"Okay... okay," she begins, almost proud of herself for deciding to handle this like a rational person. Really, just proud of herself for avoiding the first option in her mind, which was of course to get out of the diner and then maybe move to another country. "What... what makes you feel like you should tell me something like that...?"

She's still whispering for some reason, but her question makes Haruka peek at her from in between his fingers. He slowly moves his hands away from his face, but he's refusing to look at her, looking down at his empty plate now.

" _Because,_ " he says, slowly pushing the bread crumbs on the table with his finger. "If we're going to have that kind of relationship, then you should know these things. I – I mean, back then, I never would've imagined you'd want to do something like that with me. And if you did, I never thought I'd have the chance to–"

"Back then," she cuts him off, repeating his words. Confused, Haruka nods, finally looking at her. He still seemed bashful, but hey, it was progress. "Back then. As in... y – you mean... highschool?"

"I do."

Takane presses herself against the back of her chair, letting out a breath and looking around, knowing there was no one to react to. It was just– oh, it was difficult to imagine.

_NO. Not imagine. Not going there. I'm not imagining anything. Let's rephrase that._

It was difficult to... let sink in. Yeah.

"R – really?" she questions with a tiny voice, as if she couldn't believe it, because she really couldn't. To further emphasize her doubt, she leans back in and squints at him. Haruka doesn't hesitate to nod. " _Really?_  When we were classmates?"

Haruka covers his face again, and Takane quickly waves her hands at him,

"AH! Sorry, wait!" she panics. "I'm– I'm just surprised! I'm allowed to be surprised!"

"I... guess you are..."

Of course she's fucking allowed to be surprised.

There are limited ways to react when she finds out her cheerful and quiet classmate used to do something like that. Takane can only find that the memories from last night are being replaced by even older memories of Haruka's dumb face from back then, when he had black hair and just one mole.

 _That_  boy, who smiled so radiantly when he told her good morning everyday and who patted her shoulder in reassurance of how he's never going to hate her... That boy touched himself to the thought of her. She gulps again.

"God," she whispers to herself. Haruka had already uncovered his face again, but he didn't seem to be doing better. Well, as long as she doesn't say anything, he won't be doing better. Takane can only feel an even heavier urge to scream her lungs out. "Why would you tell me this?"

Technically she already asked this question, but in her defense, she had no idea what else to say.

"I just felt like you deserved to know," he talks in a low voice this time, but she notices it's because of the embarrassment he felt rather than the decency of having way too many people around. "I felt guilty."

" _Guilty?_ " she can't help snorting, because snarkiness seems to be her go-to when nervous. "Ha – Haruka, that's just... a completely normal thing, you don't have to feel guilty–"

"Ah, really, did you do it too?"

"Well, _no,_  but–" as Haruka seemed to explode in the inside again, Takane rushes to keep talking, "B – but! It's just... that's yours! You don't have to tell me these things!"

"But... it feels like lying to you," he retorted. "I – I know it's dumb, but I just... felt that it's kind of... like I – I'm thinking of you as an object. I don't want to do that. I don't– I love Takane because she's Takane, and she's wonderful, not because of how she looks– wait, I do find you attractive! Very much so! Takane's the most beautiful! It's just, I don't want you to think that's the only reason why I want to touch you and–"

"Haruka," for a second time just this morning, Takane has to say, "You are saying too much."

This time, however, Haruka doesn't shut up, "I – I just felt like you needed to know. You can hate me if you want. I'll understand."

He continued to gloomily look down, so Takane simply stares.

Well... she can't deny it's sweet of him to think like that, and in a way, she's glad to know. In a very bizarre way, really.

But just like she had thought last night, it feels really good to know he feels this way about her. It also made her feel good to know he liked the things they did so much, and that he's been wishing for them. She felt bizarrely flattered.

Seriously, how stupid is that? Flattered, really? That's gross. But she's so in love even the grossest thing like the concept of her boyfriend masturbating to the thought of her made her swoon as if it was the single most romantic thing in the world.

How pathetic.

As Haruka didn't stop looking like he wanted to melt into his seat, Takane takes it upon herself to make it stop.

She reaches for his hand again, interrupting his important activity of moving around the crumbs, and holds onto it. Haruka watches her in surprise as she forces the words out,

"I don't hate you," she makes sure to clear out, and with only that Haruka already seemed relieved. "And I'm not disgusted, and I don't regret anything. I–"

She has to look down, because she is _not_  looking at Haruka while she admits this,

"I like that you think that way of me," she says. "I'm glad you like me that way. I _want_  you to like me that way."

Haruka doesn't even make a sound, so Takane can only sink further in her embarrassment as she waits for something, anything. She practically jumps when she feels his thumb caress her knuckles, and she's reminded that she had grabbed his hand just a moment ago. Without thinking, Takane looks back at him.

The relief in his smile shouldn't be a relief for her too, because that didn't make sense, but somehow it was. Takane nods at him, as if to give him the final okay, and Haruka nods back. They're okay.

Takane looks down to her coffee. It's probably cold by now, so she doesn't even bother taking a sip. With all of this, she kind of lost her appetite too.

But this was nicer. She felt closer to him, if that was even possible, and all former nervousness was washed away now. She wonders why, but all she really wanted to do now was enjoy herself with him.

She steals another glance of Haruka, "So..."

"Yes?"

"You used to imagine things?"

Haruka almost chokes, since he was eating the food she decided not to eat. He coughs for a moment, and before Takane could become seriously worried, Haruka's speaking again, "Wh – what?"

"I'm just _asking_ ," she crosses her arms, trying to play it cool. "Since you said I had to know and all. I might as well just ask, right?"

"Uh, well..." he clears his throat, and really, despite the embarrassing subject, Takane couldn't help but think it was fun to tease him. Hey, that's something she could actually get used to, teasing him like this. Sadly, a part of her knew it'd most likely be the other way around.

"So, did you?"

"Well, _yes_ , Takane, what else do you think I mean with "to the thought of you"?" he tells her, and he sounds slightly frustrated, which only gave Takane the urge to pull the tablecloth away and break everything so there's space to crawl on the table and go kiss him. Hm, thank god she doesn't. Instead, she settles for a laugh, and despite neither of their blushes had gone away, Haruka smiles too, "Glad to see it's funny rather than embarrassing, though."

"I'm just teasing," she says, flashing a smile for him. Yeah, this was definitely nicer. "If you feel like oversharing again, you can just tell me what you imagined and we'll take care of it."

She closes her eyes and starts throwing kisses at him, because making fun of him is all she could think of to make the situation lighter. She quickly hears him giggle, "Okay! I get it. It was a little much. ...I – I'll tell you if you want me to, though."

Takane opens her eyes the same way a sword is taken out of its scabbard. Slicing sound and all. The kissy face she was making is quick to go away, as Takane immediately presses her lips together. Oh, what's this feeling inside her stomach?

She's not excited. She can't be excited.

But alas, of course she is. There's no point in lying to herself, she knows very well the reason she started to tease him.

She absolutely wanted to know what he used to imagine, and she had masked it behind pointless teasing. She clears her throat, "Tell me."

_AHHH, DON'T BE SO STRAIGHT FORWARD, YOU IDIOT!_

Takane wanted to bang her head against the table. God knows why she doesn't.

She can _see_  how Haruka gulps down the food, nodding, "...O – okay."

Her stomach swelled in itself in anticipation, which was honestly ridiculous, but she couldn't help it, dammit. She stares at Haruka like she wanted to dissect him on the spot, which he probably felt, because he shifted nervously in his seat,

"I..." he starts, looking away in embarrassment. The blush in his cheeks and his typical bedhair made the situation harder for Takane. "I used to imagine that you..."

"...Yeah?"

"Th – that you..."

"... _Yeah?_ "

"That you played with my hair."

When he says it, he covers his face again. Takane blinks, "Huh."

"Yes~ that you brushed back my bangs like that, and then you'd kiss my forehead~" Haruka added, all giggly and stupidly like that. Takane massages the bridge of her nose,

"You. You jerked off to the thought of me playing with your hair?"

"E – eh? No, that's how it'd start," he says, and Takane almost bites her tongue. "Usually, I always thought of–"

He cuts himself off, and Takane stares. When it was obvious he wouldn't finish his sentence, she complains, "So?"

"I can't say it," he goes, officially embarrassed again. "You're going to think I'm disgusting."

"Based on the first thing, I assume it's something like kissing your cheek," she jokes, but Haruka doesn't laugh. Takane rolls her eyes, because hey, she's just as embarrassed, so he can't complain. He chose to lay it out, so he has to deal with it now. So Takane just decides to do what any sensible person would do and she jokes again, "Or maybe a little bolder, like kissing your neck, grrr."

"No," Haruka shakes his head, apparently not catching her sarcasm. Takane just stares tiredly, balancing herself on the chair, when he drops, "A – a little lower."

"A little lower? What?"

"The kissing."

The legs of the chair hit the floor aggressively, as she didn't give herself time to properly lean back in. Takane, like she seems to be a fan of lately, does _not_  think before saying, "Y – you want me to kiss your dick?"

"He – here's your check," the waitress suddenly speaks up, and both Haruka and Takane turn to her robotically. Red faced, the woman places the check on the table, "So – sorry it took so long. Busy morning, haha."

_SHE HEARD EVERYTHING._

They nervously laugh along with her. Takane's hands are trembling so much she can't even take her wallet out, so while Haruka paid, she simply tried to decompose right here or something. That would be ideal.

By the moment the waitress goes away, Takane allows herself to cover her face with her hands. Haruka, inopportune as ever, just says, "...Not only kiss, though."

Against her hands, Takane muffledly says, "Just say blowjob, Haruka."

"Don't say things like that out loud!"

"You're the one who said _you masturbate at the thought of me_  just earlier!"

"S – stop being so loud!"

"I'm not being loud!" she tells him, because indeed, she's yelling in a whisper. Taking her hands away from her face, she stares at him, a heavy frown pushing on her forehead. He looked back at her with what seemed like fear. Despite the harsh tone and the huff she lets out, Takane says, "And I'm not disgusted, you idiot!"

After her statement, Haruka's features soften up, "Y – you... you aren't?"

"Of course not," she sighs, and it's almost impossible not to smile when Haruka does. She still makes sure to look away. "I'll... I'll play with your hair all you want."

That's all it takes for Haruka to completely explode into laughter. She wasn't sure what he's laughing at, though. Is it at her stupid joke or the fact she talked about his dick in front of the waitress?

He held his head, and some people had turned over to stare at him, but he didn't seem to care. And the thing about Haruka's laughter is, that as soft and cute it is, it also happens to be contagious.

Or, well, maybe that's an excuse Takane makes up for herself after she hears the snort that escapes her as she laughed along. The situation was too ridiculous not to laugh, anyway. She hears Haruka call her silly in between giggles, and Takane can't help laughing harder.

He's the silly one, she's sure. But she doesn't mind being an accomplice.

Things felt normal again, things felt nice and things felt right. Their laughter ends at the same time, and they stare at each other with seriousness,

"Hey, let's just rent another hotel room right now."

"Yeah, let's do that."


End file.
